its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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