oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
