i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
