I wanna bring you to show and tell
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
