An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
