You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
