): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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