I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
