I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
