let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
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You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
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Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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