Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
