I think im going to throw up on grandma
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
