I wanna passion pit in your ass
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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