remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
