Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
