i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
