It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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