I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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