I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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