Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
