My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
