Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
