Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
