So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
