I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
