i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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