Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
