Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
