My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
