Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
