ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
