I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
