Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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