omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
