Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just invented taco cereal.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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