how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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