You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
