mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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