If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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