you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
