Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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