Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
