Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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