Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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