I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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