She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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