proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
