I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
