Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my shit smells like andre
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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