I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
