Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
