Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
