3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
