I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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