this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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