i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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