I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
