I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
