Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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