In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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